you – ShelBEinspired

Give the Best, Not What’s Left

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first”

I read once that an empty cup is a stepping-stone to burn out, and from experience, I second that. I am going to openly admit that I have been pouring from an empty cup most of my adult life (believe it or not). I am one that never says no and always goes the extra mile even when I’m worn thin. Putting everyone else’s needs and wants before my own is something I do because nothing makes me more happy than making someone else happy. I have an addiction to fueling happiness. While that may sound like a service to some, it isn’t if I’m not taking care of myself first.

Last year, I began to feel like something was “wrong”, but I couldn’t pin point what it was. Everyday I woke up confused. I felt like I had it all… a tiny beach house, a beautiful city, a healthy life, a great relationship, a good job, amazing friends, etc. yet every night a lie down feeling distracted and unfulfilled. I felt distant from my partner, as if he was giving and loving me less. My emotions were always misplaced – something good would happen and I would feel indifferent. Shit would hit the fan and I would feel like it was the end of the world, and that type of mindset is just not me. I swear one night I screamed out loud in frustration… then text my therapist, Camille. I literally thank God for her because she is the one that introduced me and taught me the importance of filling my own cup. This one-hour session with her, really and truly changed my life. Camille led me to realize this simple truth: self-care is a priority, not a luxury or indulgence.

Now, don’t get me wrong, compassion and care for others is extremely important, but there is a line, and it must be drawn. If you’re not filling your internal tank, who is? Who’s making sure your wants and needs are met? Who’s looking out to make sure your mind, body and soul are fueled, and that you’ve gotten your daily/weekly dose of “you time”? The answer is NO ONE, so it’s up to you. Only ever looking out and doing for others and never for you is not sustainable, and you will soon feel depleted. Once you are worn down and burn out, you may even start giving with expectation or possibly resentment, and that is no way to live.

s i d e // n o t e :
I want you to know you are seen and you are appreciated. Your compassion is something to be admired and you should be proud. Don’t let the fire inside you that burns to help others go, just be kind enough to give some to yourself; you not only deserve it, you [n e e d] it.

All right, now for the challenging part, how? How can you change your self-love, tank filling patterns? Start by digging deep into these questions:
– What is your hobby? – If you don’t have one, find one.
– What are you passionate about (outside of your career)?
– When do you feel most alive?
– What gets you most excited?
When Camille asked me these ^ questions, there were crickets. I had never really thought about any of that before. Now that I have, I live in an entirely different universe. I haven’t quite mastered drawing the line and balancing time for others and time for myself, but I am a work in progress, and that is all that matters. I am going to share Camille’s advice on how to implement filling your cup; this was really easy and simple to put into my routine.

Do something small everyday that is for you and only you.
– I LOVE tea. Everyday I make sure I brew tea or pick some up during the day.
– Music is my free meditation and therapy, so every single day I sit in my car or put earphones in and listen to my top 2 favorite new songs.
Twice a week take a minimum of 30 minutes to do something that makes you happy and gives you peace. There are 10,080 minutes in a week, take 60, it’s there, you just have to make those minutes a priority.
– I also LOVE wine. Sooooo, I got a wine membership – 2 free glasses of wine a week. This is an easy 30-minute tank filler for me, but not something I can fit in every single week. When I go for wine, I take time to blog, listen to music, chat with randos, get in some girl time or decompress in great conversation with Sean.
– Every week, I fit in an at home yoga session. This practice has relieved so much stress for me, grounded me and given me an incredible amount of peace. Also, its free!
– During this process I also picked up a couple hobbies (pictured below).

Everyone is different, so I understand what works for me may not work for everyone, so here are some other simple ways you can fill up your cup.
– Stay fresh in what you love – take some time to research or update yourself in the worlds that get you exited.
– Get outside!!! Go for a walk, a bike ride, go hang out on a bench and just people watch, but get outside; vitamin D and fresh air alone will do wonders!
– Go solo to the grocery store – this is highly fulfilling for mamas <3

Today is a great day to start tuning into your needs and desires. My hope is that you get to a place that you crave filling your cup, and when you’re lacking self-care its something you immediately recognize and provide a little TLC.

Self care means giving the best of you, not what’s left of you. – Katie Reed

Be light, be love, be inspired
SG

Embracing Your Personality

“You’ll be too much for some people, those aren’t your people.”

Do you ever find yourself drowning in envy over the quiet mysterious girl who is a tad more introvert than you? The one that you look at and just think, “Damn, she totally has it together.” Welcome to the world of large personalities, aka yours truly. I have always danced to the beat of my own drum without even a pause, but I have always been made to feel bad about it somehow. That somehow because I am so strong in my personality traits that, that is where I am flawed, THAT is an imperfection.

I am going to assume that I am not the only one out there that finds themselves criticizing their personality – loud, quiet, shy, quirky, whatever it may be. Some days every word, night out or interaction with the general population is something you find yourself dwelling on. There are days I look in the mirror and literally say to myself “Shelby, what in the hell?” To this day I have never met a stranger, don’t believe in personal space, and have been blessed with the curse of never shutting up. At 5 years old these statements meant absolutely nothing to me. Over time I started to associate them with negativity, like I was “too much”, a weirdo, the type that’s good in small doses, ya know? I got a lot of judgment through school for being “different”. When it came time to head off to the big leagues (aka college) I chose to go where no one else I knew was going so I could start new. New, as in become totally normal and DEFINITELY not weird. Very quickly I began to realize that my personality wasn’t something I could control and that everyone was weird; maybe not in the same way that I was weird, but their own type. I thought I was in some alternate universe or on an episode of Punked. Like wait…. You’re telling me I’m not the only one? College is where I began to get a grasp on who I really was, but still couldn’t fully allow myself to just be without second guessing and looking for ways to tame the confidence that came natural to me.

Shortly after I graduated college the game changed. I had been watching/listening to Jaime Primak Sullivan’s morning vlog “cawfeetawk” for months. One day it was like we were in the same room and she was speaking directly to me. Her message resonated with me like nothing ever had before. “That thing that makes us “imperfect” is typically what sets us apart from everyone else.” ß That statement changed my mindset forever. Jaime goes on to say that e v e r y o n e has a freak-flag, some are just not brave enough to let it fly.
When you allow the opinions of others into your space and allow their ideas of who you should be conform you, the further away you get from your authentic self, which ultimately gives people permission to steal your happiness.
It is not who you are that holds you back from your greatest self, it’s who you think you are not that does. Altering the way you think about yourself, will give you unlimited opportunity to celebrate you. The people in your life that love and cherish you, cherish the traits you judge yourself for. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that makes you feel bad about the person you were born to be, the person you that you truly are with the mask off, get rid of them; those people are not your people. Be you, and all the people who are truly your people will come and they will stay.

Loud or quiet, mysterious or an open book, OWN IT! Stop apologizing for your personality; embrace it. And remember “Self confidence is not “They will like me”, it’s “I’ll be fine if they don’t”.

MY people

MY person

MY people

MY everything

MY people

Happy Go Listy

“Happiness is in your nature; It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.”

I mentioned in my last blog that for me happiness started with a pen and a piece of paper.. well its been a while since I’ve made my h a p p y list, so I thought while encouraging you all to make your yours, I’d refresh mine.

*sunshine, soft sheets, hugs, TRAVELing, grocery shopping with Sean, meaningful conversation, a good book, a cold Dos XX with the family, puppy licks, moonlight, baby giggles, listening to music, taking creative photos, concerts, hugs (did I already say that), giving gifts, fireworks.

As you may have noticed, I’m a fan of lists. I think they are beneficial for so many reasons but mostly because they help hold me accountable, and the obvious – they’re a great reminder. Alright, so how will creating a list of the things that make you happy change your mind-set and result in a happier, healthier you?

There are 3 qualities that I believe make someone wildly successful

HARD work
No excuses
Accomplishing the “to do’s”

Number 3 represents everything from making your kids lunch to turning in those data reports you’re probably a day late on. Number 3 is also what makes us feel like there are never enough hours in the day. The to-do’s begin to pile up and without a reminder they’d probably swallow you whole. The days get long and busy and its hard to keep track, so naturally – you jot them down on a sticky note, in your phone, or make a calendar reminder. If you are one that manages life without reminders, you’re what I call a unicorn alien. Imagine how many accomplishments you would have in a week without a single reminder – mine would be a hard Z E R O.
^^ Same can be said for all of the things that make you happy. It is easy to put the mental happiness list in the back of your mind and let it fall into the 12-foot black hole of priorities. Remember, you are your longest commitment and your biggest investment, so putting happy in front of the priority line is necessary.

C H A L L E N G E
Create a list of things that make you happy, small or big doesn’t matter. Some may include other people or maybe something you have only done once, but what you’ll notice is every single day there is opportunity to create happiness for yourself. Keep it somewhere you can see it at least once a day, and you’ll find yourself making more room for what makes your soul shine!

Write down your list, work hard, and hold yourself accountable. One day you’ll notice yourself smiling at that list for no apparent reason [a k a, success]. And on the hard days when happy seems out of reach, check your list – it’s full of self-help and free therapy.

Keep it private, share it {happy list} in the comments or send it under the “Talk to Me” tab. Hearing what makes you happy, makes me happy 🙂

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