Give the Best, Not What’s Left

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first”

I read once that an empty cup is a stepping-stone to burn out, and from experience, I second that. I am going to openly admit that I have been pouring from an empty cup most of my adult life (believe it or not). I am one that never says no and always goes the extra mile even when I’m worn thin. Putting everyone else’s needs and wants before my own is something I do because nothing makes me more happy than making someone else happy. I have an addiction to fueling happiness. While that may sound like a service to some, it isn’t if I’m not taking care of myself first.

Last year, I began to feel like something was “wrong”, but I couldn’t pin point what it was. Everyday I woke up confused. I felt like I had it all… a tiny beach house, a beautiful city, a healthy life, a great relationship, a good job, amazing friends, etc. yet every night a lie down feeling distracted and unfulfilled. I felt distant from my partner, as if he was giving and loving me less. My emotions were always misplaced – something good would happen and I would feel indifferent. Shit would hit the fan and I would feel like it was the end of the world, and that type of mindset is just not me. I swear one night I screamed out loud in frustration… then text my therapist, Camille. I literally thank God for her because she is the one that introduced me and taught me the importance of filling my own cup. This one-hour session with her, really and truly changed my life. Camille led me to realize this simple truth: self-care is a priority, not a luxury or indulgence.

Now, don’t get me wrong, compassion and care for others is extremely important, but there is a line, and it must be drawn. If you’re not filling your internal tank, who is? Who’s making sure your wants and needs are met? Who’s looking out to make sure your mind, body and soul are fueled, and that you’ve gotten your daily/weekly dose of “you time”? The answer is NO ONE, so it’s up to you. Only ever looking out and doing for others and never for you is not sustainable, and you will soon feel depleted. Once you are worn down and burn out, you may even start giving with expectation or possibly resentment, and that is no way to live.

s i d e // n o t e :
I want you to know you are seen and you are appreciated. Your compassion is something to be admired and you should be proud. Don’t let the fire inside you that burns to help others go, just be kind enough to give some to yourself; you not only deserve it, you [n e e d] it.

All right, now for the challenging part, how? How can you change your self-love, tank filling patterns? Start by digging deep into these questions:
           –  What is your hobby? – If you don’t have one, find one.
           –  What are you passionate about (outside of your career)?
           –  When do you feel most alive?
           –  What gets you most excited?
When Camille asked me these ^ questions, there were crickets. I had never really thought about any of that before. Now that I have, I live in an entirely different universe. I haven’t quite mastered drawing the line and balancing time for others and time for myself, but I am a work in progress, and that is all that matters. I am going to share Camille’s advice on how to implement filling your cup; this was really easy and simple to put into my routine.

1. Do something small everyday that is for you and only you.
   –  I LOVE tea. Everyday I make sure I brew tea or pick some up during the day.
   –  Music is my free meditation and therapy, so every single day I sit in my car or put earphones in and listen to my top 2 favorite new songs.
2. Twice a week take a minimum of 30 minutes to do something that makes you happy and gives you peace. There are 10,080 minutes in a week, take 60, it’s there, you just have to make those minutes a priority.
   – I also LOVE wine. Sooooo, I got a wine membership – 2 free glasses of wine a week. This is an easy 30-minute tank filler for me, but not something I can fit in every single week. When I go for wine, I take time to blog, listen to music, chat with randos, get in some girl time or decompress in great conversation with Sean.
   – Every week, I fit in an at home yoga session. This practice has relieved so much stress for me, grounded me and given me an incredible amount of peace. Also, its free! 
   – During this process I also picked up a couple hobbies (pictured below).
   
   
   

   

   

Everyone is different, so I understand what works for me may not work for everyone, so here are some other simple ways you can fill up your cup.
– Stay fresh in what you love – take some time to research or update yourself in the worlds that get you exited.
– Get outside!!! Go for a walk, a bike ride, go hang out on a bench and just people watch, but get outside; vitamin D and fresh air alone will do wonders!
– Go solo to the grocery store – this is highly fulfilling for mamas <3

Today is a great day to start tuning into your needs and desires. My hope is that you get to a place that you crave filling your cup, and when you’re lacking self-care its something you immediately recognize and provide a little TLC.

Self care means giving the best of you, not what’s left of you. – Katie Reed

Be light, be love, be inspired
SG